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20 Questions to Help Guide Your Thinking

By Richard J. Loebl, LCSW, BCD

More than half of all marriages end in divorce. At least 75% of married people have thought about ending their marriage at least once during the course of their relationship.

If you believe you may be better off separated or divorced, this tool may help you to clarify your thoughts.
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1. Has there been any infidelity in your relationship?


2. Is there any history of physical abuse?


3. Has there been a pattern of verbal abuse?


4. Has there been a pattern of abandonment by your spouse?


5. Does your partner tend to be controlling or manipulative?


6. Does your spouse respond negatively to your relationship repair attempts?


7. Has your partner refused to participate in couples therapy?


8. Have the two made a sincere effort in couples therapy but it still didn’t work?


9. Do the negatives outweigh the positives in your relationship?


10. Are your children negatively affected by your marital distress?


11. Does your partner consistently refuse to work cooperatively with you to improve the marriage?


12. Is there an enduring lack of physical and emotional affection?


13. Is there an enduring lack of sexual intimacy?


14. Do you no longer respect your partner?


15. Do you mostly feel that you don’t like your partner?


16. Is your partner generally unsupportive, inattentive, or unresponsive to your needs?


17. Do you frequently feel contempt for your partner?


18. Is your partner critical, judgmental, and blaming?


19. Is your spouse frequently defensive and shut down?


20. Do you often feel that you cannot trust your spouse?


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