The Bad News
- Following the 2016 presidential election, 1 in 10 relationships ended due to political differences. 1 in 5 relationships were negatively affected by political arguments.
- 42% of families experience significant stress due to political conflict.
- Dating is negatively impacted by political differences. 77% of daters say it is important for their partner to share their political views.
Our country is more politically divided than ever before. And our marriages, friendships, and family relationships have never been impacted in such a dramatic, negative manner. Almost all of us know of relationships that have been damaged or destroyed due to our political divisiveness.
This is not necessary, nor is it desirable. All relationships experience conflict and arguments at times. We can work it out. Disagreements can be resolved, and they can even be healthy. We are more alike than different. We share our lives together as families, friends, lovers, and members of our community and our nation. We mostly have similar struggles in life. And we are stronger and more resilient when we work together cooperatively.
Some of my neighbors have very different political views from mine. But when we were cleaning up and recovering from the last big hurricane, we all came together as a community of friends – helping each other to clean up debris and to share limited resources.
Strategies to Bridge the Divide
There are several strategies that can help us to manage and resolve political conflicts in a constructive and healthy manner.
- Respect and Values: Recognize that all of us share a set of common values, such as a priority on family bonds, raising healthy children, and caring for loved ones. We share a love for healthy marriages and close friendships. We value health, honesty, compassion, freedom, financial security, fairness, and we care about our community and our country. When there is political conflict, it helps to start by identifying our shared values, and work together from this base to create a sense of unity. We can respect our differences by agreeing to disagree without resorting to personal attacks.
- Healthy Communication Strategy: Listen without interruption and practice understanding other viewpoints even if you disagree. Share your thoughts without emotional drama, and without accusations or judgements about the other person. A great strategy involves owning your beliefs as your own – “I believe…” rather than “Everyone knows that…”. See if the person you’re talking to will agree to a process of speaking for a limited period of time, and then repeating back what you heard without opinion or judgement. Take turns going back and forth using this process.
- Prioritize the Relationship: Would you rather be right or happy? Would you rather be right or have a healthy relationship? Is your relationship more important than proving your point? Is your relationship more important than what divides you, or what makes you angry?
- Practice Empathy: Political beliefs can be very personal. They are often based on real life experiences, fears, and hopes. Showing empathy for another person’s feelings and experiences can diffuse tension and build trust.
- Set Boundaries and Limits: If the discussion escalates, learn when to say no. If things get heated, take a break. Be considerate toward the other person, even if they are getting very upset. Gently tell them that you care about the relationship, and you’d like a time out, or invite them to talk about something non-controversial. In some cases, when political discussions always lead to conflict, it may be best to avoid them altogether. I had dinner with a colleague a couple years ago, and when he brought up a political issue, he immediately saw me start to react (and I had not said a word!). Then he immediately said, “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that right now.” That was fine with me!
The key is to maintain mutual respect, open communication, and a commitment to the relationship despite differences. At our Center we help couples and families to manage conflict in a cooperative and productive manner. And sometimes we are successful in helping them resolve these conflicts completely. For additional information, or to schedule an appointment with one of our relationship counselors, please contact us today.
